5 Essential Ways to Love Yourself the Way God Intended

What exactly does loving ourselves look like? 

Is it making sure you plan at least one self-care day each month?  Is it having a diet cheat day and treating yourself to cheese steak and fries?  Or is it relaxing after a long day of work and scrolling Facebook for two hours to unwind while watching your favorite TV shows?

We know that God tells us to love others as we love ourselves, which implies that it is indeed okay to love ourselves.  But the question is, what exactly does it look like to love ourselves in a way that is not sinful, or self-deprecating, but rather honors and pleases God?

In this post, we will tackle this question by looking at five essential ways to love ourselves the way God intended.

What the Bible Teaches about Self-Love

First, I’ll start with a brief recap of the first part of this post series, in which we learned 7 Key Things the Bible Teaches About Loving Yourself:

1. We are all born with the nature to express the sinful type of self-love (i.e., conceit and narcissism).
2. We are to despise our old sinful nature that is always self-seeking and self-loving, but love our new nature that comes from Christ.
3. We must understand that since God is the creator and source of love, we can ONLY love in a way that pleases Him through the power of the Holy Spirit.
4. Loving God should take precedence over loving ourselves.
5. We should love others as much as we love ourselves.
6. Christian self-love acknowledges God as the source of all good things about oneself.
7. Christian self-love is selfless, NOT self-centered.

In light of what Scripture teaches us about loving ourselves, let’s see how we can apply those principles and dive into the specifics of how we are to love ourselves.

How to Love Yourself According to Scripture

What exactly does it look like on a practical, everyday basis to love ourselves biblically in the way God intended us to?  Although I’m sure we could all come up with several answers to this question, I believe there are five essential ways to love ourselves according to Scripture.

1. Nurture Your Relationship With God by Spending Time With Him Regularly

We’ve learned that our love for God should take precedence over our love for ourselves.  Do you realize that the best act of love towards yourself is to spend time building your relationship with God?

If you care about your well-being in any area of life and truly want to grow and live life to the fullest, the way God intended, then you absolutely cannot neglect spending time with God regularly.

• Jesus answered, “It is written: ‘Man shall not live on bread alone, but on every word that comes from the mouth of God.’  Matthew 4:4 NIV
• Come near to God and he will come near to you.  James 4:8 NIV
• Your word is a lamp for my feet, a light on my path. Psalm 119:105

Far too many Christians treat time with God as optional.  As if we think all we need is our ‘get out of hell free’ card and that we can live life on our own and only call upon God if a need arises.

To show just how unbiblical and even sinful that kind of mindset is, let’s look at the words of Jesus himself:

• “I am the vine; you are the branches. If you remain in me and I in you, you will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing.  John 15:5 NIV
• The thief comes only in order to steal and kill and destroy. I came that they may have and enjoy life, and have it in abundance [to the full, till it overflows].  John 10:10 AMP

The best way to get to know God is through the pages of Scripture.  The Bible helps us recognize the character of God, the things He loves, His priorities, and His will for us.  It trains us to recognize His voice so that when He responds to our prayers, we know it’s Him.  The more we read, study, and learn God’s Word, and the more we talk with and listen to God, the closer we get to Him. 

A nurtured relationship with God equals a nurtured mind equipped to face the challenges of life and deceptions of the enemy, and it WILL absolutely change your life.

Don’t copy the behavior and customs of this world, but let God transform you into a new person by changing the way you think.  Then you will learn to know God’s will for you, which is good and pleasing and perfect.

Romans 12:2 NLT

Sometimes the only tweak you need to improve any area of your life is more time with God.  So do yourself a favor, and start TODAY.  That is how you love God and yourself the way He intended.

And if you are already spending time with God regularly, keep doing it!  Don’t you dare give the devil a foothold in your life by slacking off now.

2. Agree With Who God Says You Are and Walk Firmly in Your Identity in Christ

Do you know why self-affirmations are so popular, even amongst Christians?  It’s because they make our sinful nature feel good. 

I am beautiful.  I am funny.  I am intelligent.  I am strong.  I am capable.  I got this. 

It’s not wrong to say these things or even to admire what we see in the mirror.  We just have to remember that our flesh has a tendency to be laser-focused on self.  And self-affirmation done often enough without acknowledging God as the source of the admirable things can lead to narcissism without us even realizing it.

But do you know what would be a good self-love practice that would actually nourish our spiritual nature and honor God? Quoting biblical truth about who we are and whose we are!

As Christians, we must learn to agree with who God says we are, and walk firmly in our identity in Christ. When we don’t know who we are in Christ, we are more susceptible to the lies of the enemy regarding our identity.

So, who are you? 

The Bible has a lot to say about our identity, but for the purpose of this post, I’ll focus on four key things.

Image-Bearers of God

For starters, God created all of us in His image.  Therefore, as his image-bearers, every human being (Christian and non-Christians alike) has transcendent, intrinsic worth.

Then God said, “Let us make mankind in our image, in our likeness, so that they may rule over the fish in the sea and the birds in the sky, over the livestock and all the wild animals, and over all the creatures that move along the ground.”  So God created mankind in his own image, in the image of God he created them; male and female he created them.

Genesis 1:26-27 NIV

This is simple yet so important, especially in a secular world that teaches us to value, categorize, and treat people based on things like race, gender, age, religion, physical appearance, background, social status, political affiliation, and financial standing.

EVERY human being has value simply because they are a created image-bearer of God. Period.  To love yourself the way God intended is to believe this truth and not question your value or worth.

Fearfully and Wonderfully Crafted By God

When we as Christians learn to stop being so influenced by secular culture, only looking at outward appearances as the standard, we can learn to better appreciate who God created us to be.

For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well. My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place, when I was woven together in the depths of the earth. Your eyes saw my unformed body;  all the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be.

Psalm 139:13-16 NIV

God doesn’t make mistakes.  Those eyes, that nose, that mouth, those hips, your complexion, the type of hair you have, your height – they were all planned and crafted by God!  He knows every detail about us.  

Indeed, the very hairs of your head are all numbered. Don’t be afraid; you are worth more than many sparrows

Luke 12:7 NIV

So, when we allow the devil or culture to trick us into thinking that we are lacking something, we have to remind ourselves of who God says we are – fearfully and wonderfully made!  For me, that includes my bowlegs, bad eyesight, and all!

There is no other you on the planet.  To love yourself the way God intended is to acknowledge and appreciate God’s masterpiece.

Children of God

This one may seem obvious, but as a Christian, you are a child of God!

• Yet to all who did receive him, to those who believed in his name, he gave the right to become children of God— children born not of natural descent, nor of human decision or a husband’s will, but born of God.  John 1:12-13 NIV
• And, I will be a Father to you, and you will be my sons and daughters, says the Lord Almighty.  2 Corinthians 6:18 NIV
• For those who are led by the Spirit of God are the children of God.  The Spirit you received does not make you slaves, so that you live in fear again; rather, the Spirit you received brought about your adoption to sonship.  And by him we cry, “Abba, Father.”  The Spirit himself testifies with our spirit that we are God’s children. Romans 8:14-16 NIV
• Consequently, you are no longer foreigners and strangers, but fellow citizens with God’s people and also members of his household, built on the foundation of the apostles and prophets, with Christ Jesus himself as the chief cornerstone. Ephesians 2:19-20 NIV

Do you understand that we are not like people in this world who don’t have a relationship with God?  We have been adopted into His heavenly family.  We belong to Him!

As children of God, we inherit ALL the promises, privileges, and spiritual blessings that come with that!  That includes the fact that we are loved, forgiven, and victorious through Christ.

• See what great love the Father has lavished on us, that we should be called children of God!  And that is what we are!  The reason the world does not know us is that it did not know him.  1 John 3:1 NIV
• You, dear children, are from God and have overcome them, because the one who is in you is greater than the one who is in the world. 1 John 4:4 NIV
• In him we have redemption through his blood, the forgiveness of sins, in accordance with the riches of God’s grace.  Ephesians 1:7
• What, then, shall we say in response to these things? If God is for us, who can be against us? He who did not spare his own Son, but gave him up for us all—how will he not also, along with him, graciously give us all things? Who will bring any charge against those whom God has chosen? It is God who justifies. Who then is the one who condemns? No one. Christ Jesus who died—more than that, who was raised to life—is at the right hand of God and is also interceding for us. Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall trouble or hardship or persecution or famine or nakedness or danger or sword? As it is written:  “For your sake we face death all day long; we are considered as sheep to be slaughtered.” No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. Romans 8:31-37 NIV

As a child of God, loved by God, and empowered with the Holy Spirit, I am equipped to be more than a conqueror and face ANYTHING life throws my way.  Now that is a biblical affirmation you can quote every day as a way to love yourself the way God intended.

Representatives of God

Unlike in Old Testament days, God does not appear on the earth in a cloud or speak to people in an audible voice out of a burning bush.  However, because His Holy Spirit lives in us, all Christians are essentially ambassadors (representatives) of Christ.

We are, therefore, Christ’s ambassadors, as though God were making his appeal through us.

2 Corinthians 5:20 NIV

So, what exactly does that mean?  It means we not only need to agree with who God says we are, but we also need to start being who God says we are.  And here is what being a representative of Christ looks like: 

• But you are a chosen people, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, God’s special possession, that you may declare the praises of him who called you out of darkness into his wonderful light.   1 Peter 2:9 NIV
• You are the light of the world.  A town built on a hill cannot be hidden.  Neither do people light a lamp and put it under a bowl.  Instead they put it on its stand, and it gives light to everyone in the house.  In the same way, let your light shine before others, that they may see your good deeds and glorify your Father in heaven.  Matthew 5:14-16 NIV
• A new command I give you: Love one another.   As I have loved you, so you must love one another.   By this everyone will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another.  John 13:34-35 NIV
• Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.  Ephesians 4:32 NIV
• For we are co-workers in God’s service; you are God’s field, God’s building.  1 Corinthians 3:9 NIV
• For we are God’s handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.  Ephesians 2:10 NIV

As Christians, we don’t just represent our household, our family heritage, our race, our business, our local church, or our alma mater.  First and foremost, we should seek to represent Christ.  That is how we love ourselves the way God intended.

If you really want to live by affirmations, then I encourage you to start memorizing and quoting what Scripture says about you. Try standing in front of a mirror and saying these statements every day:

• I am an image-bearer of God. Therefore, I never have to question my value or worth.
• I am wonderfully and fearfully made by God. Therefore, I don’t need to look in the mirror 10 times a day to validate myself or get 10 compliments from others.
• I am a child of God entrusted and equipped with all the spiritual blessings I need to face life’s challenges. Therefore, I will never have to rely solely on my own inner strength or someone else’s.
• I am a representative of God on this earth.  Therefore, every day I will do my best to represent Him well in my words and actions.

Being clear on who you are in Christ, agreeing with who God says you are, and walking confidently in that identity as a true representative of Christ is how you truly love yourself the way God intended. 

3. Steward Your Body Well

Can we all agree that we take care of the things that we love?  And if we truly love ourselves, then we should take care of the bodies that God has blessed us with.

So how exactly do we do that? 

It’s all the things we already know we should be doing but may not be doing well.

A Healthy Diet

No one hates his own body but feeds and cares for it, just as Christ cares for the church.

Ephesians 5:29 NLT

Feeding and caring for our bodies means proper hygiene and nourishment.  Most of us can handle the hygiene part LOL, but the feeding part is where we tend to go off course.  After all, we live in a world that teaches self-indulgence.  Eat and drink whatever you want, when you want, as long as, it makes you feel good, right?

But what does Scripture say about being good stewards of the bodies God has given us?

• So whether you eat or drink or whatever you do, do it all for the glory of God. 1 Corinthians 10:31 NIV
• Do not join those who drink too much wine or gorge themselves on meat, for drunkards and gluttons become poor, and drowsiness clothes them in rags.   Proverbs 23:20-21 NIV
• Sodom’s sins were pride, gluttony, and laziness, while the poor and needy suffered outside her door. Ezekiel 16:49 NLT
• Do you like honey?  Don’t eat too much, or it will make you sick!  Proverbs 25:16 NLT

The Bible teaches that we should do everything for the glory of God, including our eating and drinking.  The Bible also teaches that gluttony (habitual greed or excessive eating) is a sin, and that we need to learn to practice moderation.

I’m a huge advocate for healthy eating, but I won’t give you a list of things you should or shouldn’t eat.  Instead, I encourage you to think about what you’re eating regularly. 

Ask yourself, is my current diet causing me to feel sick, sluggish, weak, unfocused, or even causing some health issues?

Unless you enjoy feeling miserable, practicing moderation is an easy way to improve your physical health. In doing so, you will obey God, feel better, and be more effective in your daily life.

Stay Active/Exercise

Don’t worry. I’m not here to dictate a physical fitness routine for you.  The Bible actually teaches the importance of spiritual exercise and growing in faith more than physical exercise.

For physical training is of some value, but godliness has value for all things, holding promise for both the present life and the life to come.

1 Timothy 4:8 NIV

However, don’t misinterpret this to mean you should only focus on spiritual growth and negate physical fitness altogether.  The verse says that physical training does have some value.  And the bible has A LOT to say about laziness, which is the opposite of staying active:

• Lazy people want much but get little, but those who work hard will prosper.  Proverbs 13:4 NLT
• Despite their desires, the lazy will come to ruin, for their hands refuse to work.  Proverbs 21:25 NLT
• Never be lazy, but work hard and serve the Lord enthusiastically.  Romans 12:11 NLT

At the very least, we should be active. Move! Do something! Whether you hit the gym or not, it’s clear that, as Christians, God never intended for us to be lazy. How you stay active is up to you. However, I’m a witness that when it comes to taking care of your body, staying active and exercising will do wonders for your energy levels and emotional well-being.

Proper Rest

Rest is something many people overlook. Some days, between work, ministry, family, hobbies, and life in general, we find ourselves constantly on the go. We push ourselves so hard that we get very little rest. We don’t allow our bodies to recuperate, so we always feel exhausted and worn out.

So what does Scripture say about that?

• It is useless for you to work so hard from early morning until late at night, anxiously working for food to eat; for God gives rest to his loved ones.  Psalms 127:2 NLT
• Then Jesus said, ‘Let’s go off by ourselves to a quiet place and rest awhile.’  He said this because there were so many people coming and going that Jesus and his apostles didn’t even have time to eat.  Mark 6:31 NLT

Rest is a gift from God, and He wants us to have proper rest daily. Rest is essential for recuperating and restoring our bodies. We all know there is nothing like a good night’s sleep—or even a midday nap. 

As someone who occasionally suffers from insomnia, it is never fun to try to run on fumes. Despite what hustle culture may dictate to us, we need to get proper rest daily. Even when it comes to ministry work, we can’t just keep going nonstop.  Even Jesus rested! 

Be Intentional About Your Mental Health

What goes on in our minds affects everything.  We cannot say that we love ourselves the way God intended and constantly feed our minds junk!  As Christians, we absolutely MUST be intentional about our mental health.  And that means being intentional about what we allow our minds to consume daily.

And now, dear brothers and sisters, one final thing. Fix your thoughts on what is true, and honorable, and right, and pure, and lovely, and admirable. Think about things that are excellent and worthy of praise. 

Philippians 4:8 NLT

Whether its TV, music, the internet, social media, or people you hang out with, if they are causing you to spend too much time thinking about and dwelling on the wrong things (things that are sinful, don’t please God, or have a negative impact on your mental state), then you need to make some changes.

Remember the goal is to nurture our new spiritual nature, not to feed our old sinful nature.  To love ourselves well requires us to proactively find ways to nurture our minds with things that please God.

You will keep in perfect peace all who trust in you, all whose thoughts are fixed on you!

Isaiah 26:3 NLT

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What areas do you need to work on to become a better steward of your body – your diet, being active, getting proper rest, or your mental health?

Do yourself a favor and take it before the Lord in sincere prayer.   There is nothing that God calls us to do that He doesn’t also empower and equip us to do through the power of His Holy Spirit. 

For I can do everything God asks me to with the help of Christ who gives me the strength and power.

Philippians 4:13 TLB

4. Be Intentional About Being Selfless and Loving Others

Being selfless is one of the main ways in which we practice becoming more like Jesus.  And there is no better way to love yourself than to strive to be more like Christ:

• My command is this: Love each other as I have loved you.  John 15:12 NIV
• You must have the same attitude that Christ Jesus had. Though he was God, he did not think of equality with God as something to cling to. Instead, he gave up his divine privileges; he took the humble position of a slave, and was born as a human being.  When he appeared in human form, he humbled himself in obedience to God and died a criminal’s death on a cross.  Philippians 2:5-8 NLT

Selflessness redirects our focus from ourselves to God and others.  And that is the exact kind of mindset that God wants us to have.  Paul said it best when He quoted Jesus:

And I have been a constant example of how you can help those in need by working hard. You should remember the words of the Lord Jesus: ‘It is more blessed to give than to receive.’”

Acts 20:35 NLT

There is something about being selfless and willing to sacrifice your time, money, talents, and possessions for others that does more to uplift our souls and glorify God than anything else does.

After all, we must remember that all of those things come from God to begin with and should be used to glorify Him.

But who am I, and who are my people, that we should be able to give as generously as this? Everything comes from you, and we have given you only what comes from your hand.

1 Chronicles 29:14 NIV

Being selfish is easy because it is our natural tendency due to our fallen nature.  But being selfless requires the help of the Holy Spirit and takes work.  This is why we must be intentional about it.

There is no shortage of people who need help in this world.  It could be your next-door neighbor, a co-worker, the homeless man you drive by every day, the single mom with four kids who goes to your church, or the stranger in line at the grocery store who didn’t have enough to pay for the groceries in her basket.

You don’t have to look far to find ways to be selfless and show love to others.  I’m not saying give money to every homeless person you see.  I’m saying make it a point every day to do something selfless for someone. 

Focusing on others is also a great way to get your mind off your own problems.  The next time you feel overwhelmed, anxious, stressed, worried, angry, or frustrated about something going on in your own life, go find someone to bless and watch how that will help shift your attitude and mindset.

It could be a hug, a compliment, an encouraging text message, a phone call to check on someone, a random visit, a donation, volunteer work, offering your services or expertise at a discount or for free, baking someone a cake, treating someone to lunch, or giving a gift of thanks or appreciation.  And be sure to do it willingly and cheerfully unto God.

• Remember this: Whoever sows sparingly will also reap sparingly, and whoever sows generously will also reap generously. Each of you should give what you have decided in your heart to give, not reluctantly or under compulsion, for God loves a cheerful giver.  2 Corinthians 9:6-7 NIV
• Command them to do good, to be rich in good deeds, and to be generous and willing to share.  I Timothy 6:18 NIV
• If anyone has material possessions and sees a brother or sister in need but has no pity on them, how can the love of God be in that person? Dear children, let us not love with words or speech but with actions and in truth. I John 3:17-18 NIV

If you really want to love yourself the way God intended, then do yourself a favor and look for ways to be selfless and show love to others every day.  I guarantee it will do wonders for your body, mind, and spirit.

5. Live in Your Purpose Daily

To live without purpose is to walk aimlessly with no clear direction or goal.  So many people live without purpose because they don’t know what their purpose actually is – even Christians.

Many confuse purpose with vocation, ministry, and giftings.  All those things serve a purpose, but none of them are our ultimate purpose in life. 

Now all has been heard; here is the conclusion of the matter:  Fear God and keep his commandments, for this is the duty of all mankind. 

Ecclesiastes 12:13 NIV

According to Scripture, our ultimate purpose is to fear God (worship Him with awe-filled reverence) and obey His Word.

Notice that the verse says this is the duty of ALL mankind.  This is what God created every image-bearer for.  This was His intention for Adam and Eve in the beginning.  But sin corrupted the relationship between God and mankind, leaving us unable to live according to our ultimate purpose on our own.

But praise be to God that He made provision through Christ’s shed blood on the cross to reconcile our relationship with Him.  And, through the gift of the Holy Spirit, He empowers us as Christians to be able to live in our purpose:

• He has saved us and called us to a holy life—not because of anything we have done but because of his own purpose and grace. This grace was given us in Christ Jesus before the beginning of time.  2 Timothy 1:9 NIV
• Dear friends, you always followed my instructions when I was with you. And now that I am away, it is even more important. Work hard to show the results of your salvation, obeying God with deep reverence and fear. For God is working in you, giving you the desire and the power to do what pleases him.  Philippians 2:12-13 NLT

God empowers us to live in our ultimate purpose, to attain His ultimate purpose, which is to conform us to the image of Christ.

And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose. For those God foreknew he also predestined to be conformed to the image of his Son, that he might be the firstborn among many brothers and sisters.

Romans 8:28-29 NIV

Our entire Christian journey while here on earth is geared towards us becoming more and more Christlike until we join Him in eternity and are fully conformed to the image of Christ in perfection.

That is why we exist.  God is not here to serve our purposes.  We are here to serve Him, and that has always been the case.  Now imagine living every day of your life with that in the forefront of your mind.

Whether you are a stay-at-home mom, a teacher, a doctor, a lawyer, an engineer, an Uber driver, a famous musician, a mailman, a janitor, a social media influencer, or a pastor, you are to function in your respective role(s) with reverence and obedience to God.

• Each of you should use whatever gift you have received to serve others, as faithful stewards of God’s grace in its various forms. 1 Peter 4:10 NIV
• Work willingly at whatever you do, as though you were working for the Lord rather than for people.  Remember that the Lord will give you an inheritance as your reward, and that the Master you are serving is Christ.  Colossians 3:23-24 NLT

To love ourselves the way God intended is to learn to live in our true God-given purpose every single day.

Pray to Love Yourself the Way God Intended

After reading all that, you may ask, but what about self-care and simply enjoying life?  Aren’t those ways to love ourselves, too?  And I would say – yes! 

In fact, I have separate blog posts on each of those specific topics. Self-care, enjoying life, and even laughter are all things that are biblical.  But those are also the things that most of us don’t have a problem doing on a regular basis. 

Unfortunately, the areas we tend to neglect, like nurturing our relationship with God, walking in our Christian identity, being good stewards of our body, practicing selflessness, and living in our purpose daily, are the MOST ESSENTIAL ways to love ourselves the way God intended.

A mani-pedi, massage, and drinks with friends are great ways to relax and enjoy the good things in life.  But they don’t have the long-lasting effects and spiritual benefits as all the other things we discussed in this post.

I encourage you to look at the areas that you struggle with and pray and ask God to help you love yourself more – the way He intended.

‘God, teach me to love myself in the ways that honor and glorify you.  Help me to put off anything that does not line up with your Word – selfishness, conceit, personal gain, narcissism, etc. Help me to nurture my relationship with you daily.  Help me to agree with who you say I am and to stand firm in my Christian identity.  Help me to be a better steward of my body.  Help me to be selfless.  And help me to live in my ultimate purpose every day.  Correct and strengthen me in the areas where I am weak and fall short.  Help me to love you, myself, and others the way you intended.  Amen.’

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ABOUT THE AUTHOR:

Demetra is a busy, self-employed, single mom who loves Jesus and is a fanatic about prioritizing her time with God!  She created In the Mirror of God to help other Christian women learn how regularly looking into our spiritual mirror (the Bible) equips us to cultivate a deeper relationship with God, think biblically about everything, conquer the challenges of everyday life, and truly enjoy life to the fullest, the way God intended.  Go here to learn more about her story, or visit her contact page to send a quick message.

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