Many people struggle with exercising self-control. Let’s be honest—it doesn’t just come naturally for most of us – even Christians. Whether it’s controlling our temper, resisting temptation, or staying disciplined in our spiritual habits, we all face moments when our willpower feels like it’s running on empty.
But as Christians, we’re not left to tackle this alone. God’s Word offers practical wisdom and spiritual guidance to help us grow in this vital area. In this post, we’ll take a look at seven essential, Bible-based ways to develop more self-control.
How to Develop More Self-Control?
First, I’ll start with a brief recap of the first part of this post series 45 Bible Verses About Self-Control, in which we learned three key things the Bible teaches about self-control and the three key areas in which we should exercise self-control.
The Bible teaches that God wants us to practice self-control, that He has equipped every Christian to exercise self-control through the power of His Spirit, and that a lack of self-control has consequences. The three key areas in which we are to exercise self-control are our words, thoughts, and actions.
In light of what Scripture teaches us about why self-control is important, let’s dive into seven specific ways in which we can develop more self-control as Christians.
1. Acknowledge that You Can’t Just “Follow Your Heart”
Secular culture says do whatever makes you feel good or happy. After all, why should we deprive ourselves of what pleases us?
Now pause and think about that for just a minute. Ask yourself, what would happen if you literally did everything that makes you feel good or happy?
For me, that might mean not showing up for work some days, eating an entire large pizza all by myself, drinking an entire bottle of wine (or two) in one sitting, staying in bed all day, or going on an online Amazon shopping spree with my savings. All of which would feel great in the moment. However, it’s the possible consequences that we often overlook.
And a lack of self-control always has negative consequences, which is why our feelings should not control our behavior.
The Bible teaches the exact opposite of what secular culture says:
- The human heart is the most deceitful of all things, and desperately wicked. Who really knows how bad it is? Jeremiah 17:9 NLT
- The Lord said to Moses, “Tell the people of Israel to make tassels for the hems of their clothes (this is a permanent regulation from generation to generation) and to attach the tassels to their clothes with a blue cord. The purpose of this regulation is to remind you, whenever you notice the tassels, of the commandments of the Lord, and that you are to obey his laws instead of following your own desires and going your own ways, as you used to do in serving other gods. It will remind you to be holy to your God. Numbers 15:37-40 TLB
- Guard your heart above all else, for it determines the course of your life. Proverbs 4:23 NLT
God’s Word is clear: Our hearts are deceitful and desperately wicked by nature! Therefore, not only should we NOT follow our hearts, but we should make it a point to guard our hearts and learn to follow God’s ways instead of our own.
Step one to developing more self-control as a Christian is denouncing the lie of the enemy that we should just “follow our heart” and do whatever we feel like doing in the moment.
2. Identify the Areas in Which You Lack Self-Control
If you lack self-control, it typically shows up in multiple areas of your life (health, finances, relationships, etc.).
Oftentimes, those areas of our lives in which we want to be able to just “follow our hearts” are the very areas in which we most lack self-control. And to develop self-control, we must identify those areas.
Temptation comes from our own desires, which entice us and drag us away. These desires give birth to sinful actions. And when sin is allowed to grow, it gives birth to death.
Temptation comes from our own desires, which entice us and drag us away. These desires give birth to sinful actions. And when sin is allowed to grow, it gives birth to death.
James 1:14-15 NLT
So, be honest, what areas of your life do you currently lack self-control in?
Is it with your time? Maybe you’re a constant procrastinator, always putting off the important things that should be done today for tomorrow. Instead, you choose to binge-watch Netflix for an entire weekend or scroll through TikTok videos for 8 hours.
Do you struggle with maintaining routines? Always starting something new but never being consistent or completing a project?
Maybe you lack self-control with your money. Do you make a lot of impulse purchases online, shop well above your means, or constantly exceed your budget every month?
Do you neglect your personal health often? This could manifest in various ways, such as irregular sleep patterns, always eating out more than you eat at home, or always preferring to lounge around instead of being active in any way.
Are you always rushing and running late for things?
Do you often express yourself without thinking first and lash out with whatever emotion that stirs within you?
Do you often give in to whatever urges arise without thinking about the consequences (i.e., overeating, excessive alcohol consumption, sexual urges, etc.)?
Whatever area in which you lack self-control (and it may be several), you must identify it. And once you identify the areas of concern, you should also identify your triggers.
This is a good starting point to help you acknowledge, understand, and evaluate yourself, so that you can make some intentional choices to make the necessary changes and practice responding in healthier ways.
3. Stop Relying Solely on Your Willpower
Willpower is defined as control exerted to do something or restrain impulses. It’s something we can muster up to do the things we need to do, or to keep us from doing the things we don’t want to do.
Either way, it is 100% dependent upon us. Everyone has the capacity to exercise some willpower to a certain degree. However, because willpower is limited in that it can also be impacted by various factors and even depleted, willpower can only get you so far.
This is why relying solely on your own willpower to develop self-control will ultimately always fail.
As Christians, we must remember that we are equipped with the Holy Spirit to exercise self-control. And it is ONLY when we walk in (live by, rely on, surrender to) the power of the Holy Spirit that we can truly exercise self-control in a way that pleases God.
- For I know that nothing good dwells in me, that is, in my flesh. For I have the desire to do what is right, but not the ability to carry it out. Romans 7:18 ESV
- Yes, I am the vine; you are the branches. Those who remain in me, and I in them, will produce much fruit. For apart from me you can do nothing. John 15:5 NLT
- For God gave us a spirit not of fear but of power and love and self-control. 2 Timothy 1:7 ESV
Although we still have our old sinful nature, as Christians, by the power of the Holy Spirit, we can learn to choose godly behavior, regardless of how we feel:
Those who are dominated by the sinful nature think about sinful things, but those who are controlled by the Holy Spirit think about things that please the Spirit. So letting your sinful nature control your mind leads to death. But letting the Spirit control your mind leads to life and peace. For the sinful nature is always hostile to God. It never did obey God’s laws, and it never will. That’s why those who are still under the control of their sinful nature can never please God. But you are not controlled by your sinful nature. You are controlled by the Spirit if you have the Spirit of God living in you. Therefore, dear brothers and sisters, you have no obligation to do what your sinful nature urges you to do. For if you live by its dictates, you will die. But if through the power of the Spirit you put to death the deeds of your sinful nature, you will live.
Romans 8:5-9, 12-13 NLT
We must first acknowledge (out loud and in our hearts) that we CANNOT live self-controlled lives on our own and that we need God. Then we must learn to actually depend on God every day to do so.
What does this look like in everyday life?
It’s being honest with God and talking to Him about the areas in which you lack self-control. It’s learning to quote Scripture in the face of temptation. It’s changing the words you have gotten used to saying to yourself. It’s replacing things like ‘I just can’t help it’, ‘I don’t know how to change’, or ‘this is just how I am’ with the truth of Scripture that says “I can do everything God requires me to do through Christ who strengthens me” (Philippians 4:13).
The only willpower required to develop self-control as a Christian is the willpower to surrender to the power of the Holy Spirit in your life. It’s being willing to say ‘no’ to the desires of your flesh and ‘yes’ to what God wants for you.
4. Replace Bad Habits With Good Habits
A habit is a settled, regular, and often unconscious behavior or tendency, typically acquired through frequent repetition. Habits can be beneficial or harmful.
Self-control is not just about breaking bad habits or teaching yourself what to say ‘no’ to. Developing self-control MUST also include replacing the bad habits with good habits and learning what to say ‘yes’ to.
Similarly, the Bible is full of “put on” and “put off” statements, in regard to how God wants us to live for Him.
- Throw off your old sinful nature and your former way of life, which is corrupted by lust and deception. Instead, let the Spirit renew your thoughts and attitudes. Put on your new nature, created to be like God—truly righteous and holy. Get rid of all bitterness, rage, anger, harsh words, and slander, as well as all types of evil behavior. Instead, be kind to each other, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, just as God through Christ has forgiven you. Ephesians 4:22-24, 31-32 NLT
- So put to death the sinful, earthly things lurking within you. Have nothing to do with sexual immorality, impurity, lust, and evil desires. Don’t be greedy, for a greedy person is an idolater, worshiping the things of this world. Because of these sins, the anger of God is coming. You used to do these things when your life was still part of this world. But now is the time to get rid of anger, rage, malicious behavior, slander, and dirty language. Don’t lie to each other, for you have stripped off your old sinful nature and all its wicked deeds. Put on your new nature, and be renewed as you learn to know your Creator and become like him. In this new life, it doesn’t matter if you are a Jew or a Gentile, circumcised or uncircumcised, barbaric, uncivilized, slave, or free. Christ is all that matters, and he lives in all of us. Since God chose you to be the holy people he loves, you must clothe yourselves with tenderhearted mercy, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience. Colossians 3:5-12 NLT
God doesn’t just provide a list of 100 things for us to stop doing. He tells us why we should stop doing those things (because they are killing us physically and spiritually), and what to replace them with instead.
If food is your area of weakness, it’s time to stop eating out 4 times a week and make it a point to eat in and incorporate some fruits and veggies into your diet.
Struggling with using your time wisely? You made need to replace hours of scrolling on social media with intentional time in God’s Word, prayer, or completing the tasks you’ve been putting off.
If your words are an issue, instead of reacting quickly in frustration, practice pausing, praying, and choosing your words carefully before responding.
Are you overspending? Then it’s time to replace impulse purchases with planning ahead—creating a budget, tracking your spending, and giving yourself limits.
If you struggle with negative or anxious thoughts, begin to memorize Scripture so you can replace those thoughts with truth instead of allowing them to run freely in your mind.
The goal is not just to remove what is harmful, but to intentionally build habits that honor God.
5. Practice Self-Care
When it comes to developing self-control, it’s so important that we don’t underestimate the role of our physical and mental health in the process.
There are many factors that can contribute to a loss of self-control. For some people, it may be caused by stress, tiredness, or even hunger.
Self-care practices can positively impact self-control by reducing stress, improving mood, and enhancing overall well-being, thereby strengthening our ability to resist impulses and make better decisions.
- No one hates his own body but feeds and cares for it, just as Christ cares for the church. Ephesians 5:29 NLT
- It is useless for you to work so hard from early morning until late at night, anxiously working for food to eat; for God gives rest to his loved ones. Psalms 127:2 NLT
- Then Jesus said, ‘Let’s go off by ourselves to a quiet place and rest awhile.’ He said this because there were so many people coming and going that Jesus and his apostles didn’t even have time to eat. Mark 6:31 NLT
Learning to practice self-care regularly will go a long way when it comes to our mental health and developing self-control. As Christians, let us learn to prioritize proper nutrition, physical exercise, adequate sleep, relaxation, and even laughter in our daily lives.
6. Seek Outside Help When Necessary
Everyone struggles with self-control from time to time. But when certain patterns—like procrastination, impulsive decisions, or lack of discipline—become consistent, it may be a sign that deeper support is needed.
As Christians, we are not meant to do life alone. God often uses other people to help strengthen us, guide us, and hold us accountable—especially in areas where we struggle.
- As iron sharpens iron, so one person sharpens another. Proverbs 27:17 NIV
- Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous person is powerful and effective. James 5:16 NIV.
- Carry each other’s burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ. Galatians 6:2 NIV
One of the most practical ways to grow in self-control is by building a strong accountability and support system.
This might look like:
- Talking honestly with a trusted friend about your struggles
- Asking someone to check in on your progress regularly
- Seeking guidance from a mentor, pastor, or counselor
- Surrounding yourself with people who encourage growth and godly living
- Seeking professional help in cases where a lack of self-control has turned into a serious or harmful addiction
When we try to handle everything on our own, it’s easy to fall back into old habits. But when we invite others into the process, we gain encouragement, wisdom, and support.
Seeking help is not a sign of weakness—it’s a sign of wisdom and humility.
7. Understand that Exercising Self-Control is a Life-Long Journey
Developing self-control is not a quick fix—it’s a lifelong process.
In a world that constantly pushes instant results and quick solutions, it’s important to remember that real, lasting change takes time. Many of the struggles we face with self-control are rooted in deeper habits, thought patterns, and emotional responses that have developed over time. Because of that, they won’t disappear overnight.
Instead of trying to change everything at once, focus on starting small and being consistent. Ask yourself, what one area can I begin working on right now?
That could be:
- Reading your Bible a few times a week instead of every day.
- Practicing self-control in one specific area before trying to fix everything at once.
- Building one small good habit and then gradually adding more over time.
Growth happens step by step. Be patient with yourself as you grow. And don’t fall into the trap of looking for quick fixes that don’t address the root of the issues.
Self-control is developed through consistent, daily choices over time. And like everything else in our Christian journey, it is a process. A process in which the goal should always be to become more like Christ:
I don’t mean to say that I have already achieved these things or that I have already reached perfection. But I press on to possess that perfection for which Christ Jesus first possessed me. No, dear brothers and sisters, I have not achieved it, but I focus on this one thing: Forgetting the past and looking forward to what lies ahead, I press on to reach the end of the race and receive the heavenly prize for which God, through Christ Jesus, is calling us.
Philippians 3:12-14 NLT
Self-Control is Obedience and Freedom
Self-control is not just about disciplining yourself to do the right things—it’s about obedience to God.
It’s about choosing, moment by moment, to live according to God’s truth instead of our feelings, impulses, or habits. And while this isn’t always easy, it is one of the most important areas of growth in the Christian life.
Every time you pause instead of reacting, resist temptation, and choose God’s way over your own, you are growing and becoming more like Christ.
Start with one area, make one intentional change, and rely on God daily.
And please realize that true self-control isn’t about restriction—it’s actually all about freedom.
- For the Lord is the Spirit, and wherever the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom. 2 Corinthians 3:17 NLT
- So Christ has truly set us free. Now make sure that you stay free, and don’t get tied up again in slavery to the law. Galatians 5:1 NLT
- Sin is no longer your master, for you no longer live under the requirements of the law. Instead, you live under the freedom of God’s grace. Romans 6:14 NLT
Self-control allows us to walk in freedom from impulsive decisions and enslavement to our emotions. And therefore, freedom to live a life that honors God with clarity, purpose, and peace.
Developing self-control leads to healthier relationships with ourselves, others, and God. So, let us seek to be self-controlled Christians in obedience to God and learn to put an end to unhealthy cycles of behavior that lead to suffering and despair, and enjoy the freedom and peace He intended for us instead.
Self-control is not about suppressing who we are and what we want to be. It’s about submitting to the Holy Spirit so that we can become who God created us to be.
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ABOUT THE AUTHOR:
Demetra is a busy, self-employed, single mom who loves Jesus and is a fanatic about prioritizing her time with God! She created In the Mirror of God to help other Christian women learn how regularly looking into our spiritual mirror (the Bible) equips us to cultivate a deeper relationship with God, think biblically about everything, conquer the challenges of everyday life, and truly enjoy life to the fullest, the way God intended. Go here to learn more about her story, or visit her contact page to send a quick message.
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